why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize