wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize