I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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