when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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