I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize