life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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