Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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