Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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