i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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