I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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