You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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