If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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