Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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