What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize