That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
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Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just forgot I was standing up.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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