sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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