she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize