When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
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i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
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Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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