I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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