so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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