My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize