I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
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I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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