i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
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you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
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Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's shark week go big or go home
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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