she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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