I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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