dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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