i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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