Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize