hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
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Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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