Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.

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  (847): Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over. http://tfl.nu/gmxm
  Replies (35) Good night (1302) Bad night (2702) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.

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  (843): I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina. http://tfl.nu/l94r
  Replies (15) Good night (731) Bad night (3302) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.

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  (954): you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you. http://tfl.nu/vwt4
  Replies (21) Good night (6140) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas

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  (251): I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas http://tfl.nu/8b13
  Replies (10) Good night (731) Bad night (3607) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.

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  (407): She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it. http://tfl.nu/q87n
  Replies (23) Good night (1378) Bad night (6647) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.

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  (519): how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail. http://tfl.nu/ymgr
  Replies (7) Good night (738) Bad night (3325) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up

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  (417): you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up http://tfl.nu/tq8k
  Replies (14) Good night (3213) Bad night (1651) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball

  (419): View more from Ohio

  And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity

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  (419): We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball (419): And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity http://tfl.nu/7q0o
  Replies (35) Good night (5352) Bad night (1619)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock

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  (713): I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock http://tfl.nu/svlq
  Replies (8) Good night (1081) Bad night (3244)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.

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  (402): The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms. http://tfl.nu/7exr
  Replies (9) Good night (1588) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.

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  (603): And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol. http://tfl.nu/g84x
  Replies (2) Good night (847) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.

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  (810): Two word: claymation porn. Think about it. (1-810): I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me. http://tfl.nu/emwe
  Replies (8) Good night (1660) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship

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  (910): I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship http://tfl.nu/4tn2
  Replies (2) Good night (564) Bad night (166)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.

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  (601): Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams. http://tfl.nu/r18a
  Replies (8) Good night (186) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.

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  (860): I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green. (860): Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green. http://tfl.nu/a7td
  Replies (2) Good night (279) Bad night (403)

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