well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
your room smells of hookers.
And success
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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