Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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