well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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