please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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