if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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