So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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