Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
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Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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