You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize