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I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My hand turned me down
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Randomize
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