sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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