i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize