Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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