So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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