I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize