tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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