If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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