Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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