dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You've changed since you got that strap on
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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