we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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