The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
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Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize