Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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